Who needs fish anyway?

Well. Kids birthdays. Yeah.

Today was my cousins second birthday. And as is the custom, there was a small party to celebrate. Screaming toddlers galore

Deciding her gift was a bit tricky. Seeing as she's one of those kids who has everything, it was a bit of a conundrum. But, after having a bit of a think, I had a stroke of genius, and told my mother that we should get her some goldfish. My mother was impressed. I have to admit to a smug pat on the back to myself.

So in we went, we picked out two fish, one a rather violent orange, the other black with bulging eyes. We even got a tank with a pink lid.

So we brought them home, let them out, and fed them. So far, things were going well.

Then the first blow. My other cousin, Bobby, nearly two himself, in his childlike exuberance, continually kept trying to catch them. But this was not the worst part, oh no. In the, oh about 40 seconds, no one was watching him, the child got  an Actimel, saw the fish, and.... yes. He poured the whole fecking thing in. Luckily, we managed to get them out before any serious damage was done. Or so we hoped.

Then, B day. By this stage I had named the fish Sherlock and Watson (which was later changed to Mickey and Minne, to my dismay) Before we left, I poured some water out, so I wouldn't get drenched in the car (I had to pour more out when we stopped, my mams cardigan will never be worn again, as I put it beneath the bowl in a vain attempt to keep my jeans dry.

So we left, me in the backseat, holding the bowl precariously on my knee, trying to prevent the water from splashing everywhere, the amount of fecking potholes in the road making it utterly impossible. Somehow, the water even made it to the front seat. How, I have no idea.

But alas! We made it to my uncles house (relatively) dry, and fish still swimming around happily (Do fish feel happiness?)

Needless to say, my cousin was delighted with her gift, and spent a monumental thirty seconds admiring them, before running out to the bouncy castle in the backyard (I have to admit, it was a pretty big bouncy castle) The adults were equally impressed with them. Who knew fish could be so popular.

So the party went on, with rice crispie buns, marshmallows, and an indeterminate amount of toddlers running around the place. The cake was cut, 'Happy Birthday' was sung badly, and the birthday girl was blinded by flashes.

Then, tragedy struck. Actual tragedy. I moved over, to admire our gift once more, as we were leaving shortly, and saw something....odd, with the orange one. It was completely still, not the slightest movement of it fins, its mouth wide open in an expression that was fecking creepy. I tapped the bowl. I tapped it again. I tried shifting it, so it would move. Nothing happened.

"Oh balls" I said. At this stage, my uncle came over,  took one look at my shocked face, and at the tank.

"Ah Jaysus" he cried loudly " Mia your fish are dead"

I smacked my hand to my forehead and told him to shut up. Then I told my mother of the sudden bereavement. She seemed to think we could return it.

We left soon after, lestr, God forbid, the other one popped its clogs.

Cause of death remains unknown. Pro-biotic poisoning, travel sickness and bad luck remain the most likely candidates.

But who knows, maybe it was lupus?